Good Friday

Sitting in church tonight, it was so sad in a way.  The altar was stripped &tje statues were covered.  Even more of a stark reminder that this is also a time for mourning & reverence.  Jesus died on the cross so that we could live.  That was the ultimate sacrifice.

Can you say that if you were in His place, that you would die for Him?  So much to be grateful for.  God's ultimate love for us.   John 3:16 "For God so loved the earth that He gave His one and only Son so that whoever belives in Him may not perish but have eternal life."

Please remember all the blessings you have because of Jesus' sacrifice.  I know I am.

Amazing weekend

Have you ever had an experience where you were absolutely dreading something and, in the end, you wonder what the heck you were dreading?  Well, that was me.  My sister, Mom, Dad, & a wonderful friend were all telling me that I really needed to attend an A.C.T.S. Retreat.  I kept putting it off because I could not think why I would need to attend a retreat.  Yes, we all need time to ourselves to recharge our spiritual side but I'm also not one to be around a bunch of people I don't know (in person) & share.  The thought of it made my skin crawl & scared me to death.

Well, my lovely sister & a dear friend managed to talk me into signing up (o.k. "pushed me" to sign up).  I held onto that application for as long as I could until my sister asked me to give it to her to make sure I got to go.  Even after that I was still thinking of backing out of the retreat.  Finally the day arrived for me to go on retreat.  That was a nerve wracking experience in itself.

I was a bundle of nerves & acid reflux.  By the time I got home from work, my stomach was in knots!  My husband was taking me to the church on his way to work so that I couldn't back out.  He was having too much fun teasing me about my discomfort.  He especially loved taking my phone away from me once we reached the church.  Lucky for him, my parents arrived to see me off. My darling husband had to leave for work so it was now up to my parents to make sure I got onto the bus for the retreat & not trying to walk home.  I was so nervous!!  My husband thought I was going to be ill in the parking lot (luckily, that didn't happen).

Next, I had to sit through the send off.  The whole time I was shaking inside & wondering when no one would look at me.  I felt like a bug under a microscope.  I know that was all in my head but hey, it felt real to me!  Luckily, my parents were standing behind me during this to make sure I didn't chicken out!  Then the time came to get onto the bus.

Luckily, I was able to get a seat to myself on the bus.  I had plenty of time to ponder what was to come on our trip.  I still couldn't get the knots to work out of my stomach but I did manage to get a little catnap in.  But I was not prepared for what was to come.  Getting off the bus at the retreat center was a trial for me also.  There was a very warm welcoming but to me, it felt like suffocation.  I just wanted to get off the bus & away from everyone as much as possible.  Of course, my sister was watching out for me since she was on the retreat team.  No backing out now.....

I cannot go into to detail about what happened on the retreat because "what happens on the mountain, stays on the mountain" but I will say that it is an experience that I was truly blessed to be a part of.  I will say that I cried many tears, laughed, and made some wonderful, new friends.  This retreat was definitely something that surprised me, in a good way.  As my sister told me, "you should always listen to what your big sister tells you".  If it had not been for her persistence and that of a good friend, I would have missed out on the chance of a lifetime.

I do believe that what I experienced has changed me & hopefully for the better.  I have a way to go but I think this has improved my travel on my faith journey.  I also know that I am not alone & have many new sisters to help me should I need it.  But, I definitely have the best big sister a girl could ask for that continues to look out for me.

So, no matter your apprehensions or fears, face them.  Take the time to go on a retreat and reconnect with your faith & with God. 

Luke 22:42 Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me; still, not my will but yours be done." 

I hope that you will have the best experience possible & will take so much more from the experience than you ever thought like I did.

Guilt.....

It never fails that somehow my children can make me feel guilty with just a few words or a look.  Though what mother that works a full-time job doesn't feel guilty about not being with their kids?

My children have always been & always will be the most important things in my life. They drive me crazy & make me wonder if they are killing each other but they truly are the loves of my life.

I've had a hard time this week because I am going on a retreat where I won't have my cellphone. This will be the first time ever that my girls won't be able to readily reach me. It's also the first time their step-dad will have them to himself for an entire weekend. I know that Mike is wonderful with my kids but I still feel apprehensive leaving them.  I also know that I need this time for me. I need this time to center myself & reconnect with God.

I pray that while I'm gone my children won't kill each other & that maybe this will help them strengthen the bond they have with Mike & each other.  Hopefully I won't spend the whole weekend weighed down with guilt either.

Prayers and blessings to you.