Ups & Downs

There have been so many ups & downs for us since we first found out that we were having another baby.  Our first up, of course, was the news of the pregnancy along with the complete shock.  Both my husband & myself did not think that we would have another child at this late stage.  My husband jokes that I ruined his 5 year plan.  His plan was that in 5 years all of the kids would graduate high school & be out of the house.  Then we would have time to ourselves.  Well, now we will have time together raising another daughter. :)

The first down we had was the scare of another miscarriage.  It was shortly after we had found out that we were pregnant.  We told Dr. Becker of our loss 4 years ago & that we were concerned this time.  They did a blood test that Thursday of our appointment and then the following Saturday we did another blood test at the hospital.  The on-call doctor called us later that afternoon to tell us that my levels were dropping and therefore I should be expecting to miscarry our baby at any time.  My world fell apart.  I could not believe that we were going to lose our baby.  We went a whole weekend being completely devastated.  We had a follow up appointment with Dr. Becker that Monday.  He too, thought that we were going to lose our baby.  He told us that he wanted to do another, more thorough ultrasound.  Our hearts were breaking but we went ahead with the ultrasound.  That was when our miracle was seen.  Our little "peanut" was alive & doing fine.  Our fervent prayers were answered.

We've had minor ups & downs since then.  Now we are dealing with decreased incomes & I was just diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  At first, I was devastated with the news but I've learned that it's not as bad as it first seems.  I've talked to cousins and friends who had it with their last pregnancies and they are all well.  I've also learned that no matter how down & upset I get, my husband has my back & keeps reminding me.  I was pretty down this Saturday & feeling lost.  When he came in & asked me why I was crying I told him that I was hormonal & the worries on my mind.  This is what my wonderful husband said to me, "We always get through it.  Do not worry so much over it because God has a plan for us and we have to trust in His plan.  That's how I know we are going to be o.k. because He has a plan."  Now, my husband does not talk much about religion and doesn't go to church.  I try to go to church every Sunday and I even teach religious education to freshmen & sophomores.  Yet, I was the one being reminded & taught this weekend.  

God does have plans for each of us and we have to trust in Him & wait for things to happen in His time.  Thank you, Lord, for giving me a wonderful & loving husband that helps to remind me to not sweat the small stuff & listen to You.

And Baby makes 6!!

Oh!  The surprises that God drops into our laps.  Mike & I thought we were just about done with raising kids when, boom.  We are now expecting a baby. Technically, this will be our second since we suffered a miscarriage about 4 years ago.  Mike jokes that I messed up his 5 year plan of having all the kids out of the house & time alone together.  I guess God had other plans on how we were going to be spending our lives together.

So, we are now preparing for a new bundle of joy to join our family in December 2013.  All the bets are flying as to if it's going to be a boy or a girl. Mike wants a boy because he says there's too much estrogen in the house now with me & the two girls.  LOL!  Gabby wants a baby sister because she doesn't want to change the diapers of a baby boy.  Needless to say, there is a  lot of humor behind the wager of the sex of the baby.  Me, I just want a healthy, happy baby.

Honestly, I never imagined that I would be almost 40 & pregnant.  This is a lot different that when I was pregnant with Caitlin & Gabby.  The one thing really stands out when I got to the doctor is my "advanced maternal age".  Due to this we have had to have extra blood tests & ultra sounds to make sure our little Peanut is doing o.k.  Well, we've made it to over 16 weeks so far & things are looking good.

Monday, July 8th, we are scheduled for a Level 2 Ultrasound to make sure all is progressing well with our little Peanut.  Hopefully, we will be able to find out if Peanut is a  he or a she. :)  Though, if Mike will let anyone know, that's still a question.

Here's to loving God's little surprises that He drops into our laps. :)

Life Changes

It's amazing the things that happen in our lives that completely  change everything.  On April 17, 2013, our lives were drastically changed.  The explosion in West, TX not only rocked our house it rocked our lives.  So many of our friends, family, & people we just knew had their homes damaged or destroyed.  The loss of fire fighters & EMT's in Abbott & West was devastating.  The West Ambulance lost not only members & friends, but also lost their facility & much needed equipment.  The West fire department also lost much needed equipment.  Families had their lives turned upside down not only by losing their homes but by injuries & deaths caused from the explosion.  The owners of West Fertilizer lost so much & are carrying this heavy burden on their shoulders.  One thing that West & Abbott has not lost during these trying times is our Faith.  As so many have said, we are shaken but we are not stirred.  Also, that God is big enough to help us through this.

Among all the stories of loss & damages there are many stories of miracles.  I can't tell you how many people have told me that somehow they weren't harmed when it's hard to believe when you look at the damage around them.  How in houses where angels & crosses are displayed, there is no damage near those items.  How in a yard where the statue of the Virgin Mary survived without damage but the bird feeder sitting next too it was completely destroyed.  There are so many signs that God and His angels were there protecting the people of West to the best of their ability.  

In the midst of tragedy, there was so much good that came about.  The people of West pulled together & started helping each other out.  Abbott opened it's doors to others.  Many surrounding communities pitched in with supplies, volunteers, & shelter.  In the days following, the people that were displaced jumped in to volunteer to help everyone else too.  Yes, there where people that took advantage of the goodness that was present as it always seems to happen with the devil walking among us.  But the goodness outweighed the evil.

I can't help but thank God for the miracles & the love that He has brought to us through these trying times.  We will continue to praise Him & to help our communities rebuild.

We are "Shaken not stirred" & "God is Big Enough".

Good Friday

Sitting in church tonight, it was so sad in a way.  The altar was stripped &tje statues were covered.  Even more of a stark reminder that this is also a time for mourning & reverence.  Jesus died on the cross so that we could live.  That was the ultimate sacrifice.

Can you say that if you were in His place, that you would die for Him?  So much to be grateful for.  God's ultimate love for us.   John 3:16 "For God so loved the earth that He gave His one and only Son so that whoever belives in Him may not perish but have eternal life."

Please remember all the blessings you have because of Jesus' sacrifice.  I know I am.

Amazing weekend

Have you ever had an experience where you were absolutely dreading something and, in the end, you wonder what the heck you were dreading?  Well, that was me.  My sister, Mom, Dad, & a wonderful friend were all telling me that I really needed to attend an A.C.T.S. Retreat.  I kept putting it off because I could not think why I would need to attend a retreat.  Yes, we all need time to ourselves to recharge our spiritual side but I'm also not one to be around a bunch of people I don't know (in person) & share.  The thought of it made my skin crawl & scared me to death.

Well, my lovely sister & a dear friend managed to talk me into signing up (o.k. "pushed me" to sign up).  I held onto that application for as long as I could until my sister asked me to give it to her to make sure I got to go.  Even after that I was still thinking of backing out of the retreat.  Finally the day arrived for me to go on retreat.  That was a nerve wracking experience in itself.

I was a bundle of nerves & acid reflux.  By the time I got home from work, my stomach was in knots!  My husband was taking me to the church on his way to work so that I couldn't back out.  He was having too much fun teasing me about my discomfort.  He especially loved taking my phone away from me once we reached the church.  Lucky for him, my parents arrived to see me off. My darling husband had to leave for work so it was now up to my parents to make sure I got onto the bus for the retreat & not trying to walk home.  I was so nervous!!  My husband thought I was going to be ill in the parking lot (luckily, that didn't happen).

Next, I had to sit through the send off.  The whole time I was shaking inside & wondering when no one would look at me.  I felt like a bug under a microscope.  I know that was all in my head but hey, it felt real to me!  Luckily, my parents were standing behind me during this to make sure I didn't chicken out!  Then the time came to get onto the bus.

Luckily, I was able to get a seat to myself on the bus.  I had plenty of time to ponder what was to come on our trip.  I still couldn't get the knots to work out of my stomach but I did manage to get a little catnap in.  But I was not prepared for what was to come.  Getting off the bus at the retreat center was a trial for me also.  There was a very warm welcoming but to me, it felt like suffocation.  I just wanted to get off the bus & away from everyone as much as possible.  Of course, my sister was watching out for me since she was on the retreat team.  No backing out now.....

I cannot go into to detail about what happened on the retreat because "what happens on the mountain, stays on the mountain" but I will say that it is an experience that I was truly blessed to be a part of.  I will say that I cried many tears, laughed, and made some wonderful, new friends.  This retreat was definitely something that surprised me, in a good way.  As my sister told me, "you should always listen to what your big sister tells you".  If it had not been for her persistence and that of a good friend, I would have missed out on the chance of a lifetime.

I do believe that what I experienced has changed me & hopefully for the better.  I have a way to go but I think this has improved my travel on my faith journey.  I also know that I am not alone & have many new sisters to help me should I need it.  But, I definitely have the best big sister a girl could ask for that continues to look out for me.

So, no matter your apprehensions or fears, face them.  Take the time to go on a retreat and reconnect with your faith & with God. 

Luke 22:42 Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me; still, not my will but yours be done." 

I hope that you will have the best experience possible & will take so much more from the experience than you ever thought like I did.

Guilt.....

It never fails that somehow my children can make me feel guilty with just a few words or a look.  Though what mother that works a full-time job doesn't feel guilty about not being with their kids?

My children have always been & always will be the most important things in my life. They drive me crazy & make me wonder if they are killing each other but they truly are the loves of my life.

I've had a hard time this week because I am going on a retreat where I won't have my cellphone. This will be the first time ever that my girls won't be able to readily reach me. It's also the first time their step-dad will have them to himself for an entire weekend. I know that Mike is wonderful with my kids but I still feel apprehensive leaving them.  I also know that I need this time for me. I need this time to center myself & reconnect with God.

I pray that while I'm gone my children won't kill each other & that maybe this will help them strengthen the bond they have with Mike & each other.  Hopefully I won't spend the whole weekend weighed down with guilt either.

Prayers and blessings to you.

Lent & Blessings

I find myself being reflective this time of year.  It's the beginning of a new year and the Lenten season.  So many Catholics I know think of the things they will "give up" for Lent and what a hardship this will be.  I can't help but think, this is not a hardship really.  If we stop and think of what Jesus "gave up" for us, we do so little to thank Him for His sacrifice.

I was listening to my daughters last night talk about what they are giving up for Lent & how important it was for them.  I was proud to know that they were giving up things that they really enjoy in reflection of the Lenten Season but yet, I wonder if they truly understand what this means.  I know within the next few days we will spend some time discussing this.

I have been constantly reminded that God makes things happen in His way in His own time.  We can ask, pray, even demand things from Him but it will not happen unless He wishes it so.  I know of several times that I have prayed & asked where He was when I needed Him most.  When I look back now I am reminded of "Footsteps". There are many times in my life when I can look back and see "one set of footsteps in the sand".  I know of many times when, to me, it seemed like God was not there with me at the time but I know that it was those times when He was carrying me & guiding me.

I hope that with the way our world is now & with raising my children, I can pass on to them that no matter how dark it seems, God is always with us.  He may be right beside us or He may be carrying us but He is always there.  All we need to remember is to pray and try to be the better version of ourselves that He wishes us to be.

There are so many blessings that He has allowed me to have in my life. So, I will try to use this Lenten Season to be more thankful for the sacrifices He made so that I could have those blessings.  I'm not going to try to make this about hardships or sacrifices, I want to make this about celebrating.  Celebrating that God sacrificed His only son so that we may live.  How wonderful is that?  That He gave His only son for us.  That is the most noble sacrifice and we should honor that and feel humbly blessed.