I have to admit that I have never been the most organized person. There has always been a touch of chaos to the way I have lived since I was a child. My mother would get exasperated with my room as would my sister since we shared a room until we were teenagers. I would do a deep clean about once a month which would consist of me basically taking everything out & then replacing it. Major cleaning. Lol!
As I got older, I got a little better about being organized so that I would be able to do what I needed to do. Yet, there was some chaos still then. There was always something more important to do than to focus on organization.
Once I was married and started having kids, I tried to keep things organized. My kitchen is my obsessively organized area in my home. It drives me absolutely batty when something isn't where it is supposed to be there. Probably because I love to cook & bake so I have to have order there. Unfortunately, 99% of the time that is the only place I have order.
When my first husband & I separated, everything fell into chaos. I was doing my best just to make sure my two girls where o.k. & keeping us together. It was a very difficult time for us. My girls were around 2 and 4 years of age. I lost my job one month after their father & I divorced. I struggled to keep food on the table & pay our bills. Yet, I was determined to do what was best for my kids. All organization went out the door as I ended up going back to school, working, & taking care of 2 small children. We just had to live day to day. Yet, I still kept up my organized kitchen.
I tend to think that's sort of my sanctuary. My place of peace. As long as I can cook something or bake something, things were going to be o.k.
When I met my 2nd husband, I knew I didn't have to be perfect because he accepted me for who I was. As we started our life together, we moved quite a few times trying to find our perfect forever home. Due to that we have never fully unpacked into one of our homes. We were always half way unpacked & making do because we knew in our hearts that wasn't our home.
Well, finally we have our forever home. We purchased our home in July 2016. We are still in the process of unpacking & moving in. The weekend we started moving in we lost my wonderful Aunt Linda to cancer. That was a devastating loss to our whole family & we had many things to settle. After we laid her to rest in New Mexico we came back to settle in. Not long after, my husband was sent to New Jersey to work for a month! I wasn't able to get much done myself as I was taking care of our 2 year old & working. It seemed like we've had so many roadblocks & detours to getting our home settled.
Now, I am determined to get our house settled & organized. I am trying room by room to make our home much better. I admit that I am jealous of all the homes I see on instagram that are so organized, clean, & decorated. I wonder how they all do it. I'm doing good most nights when I get home from work to make dinner, deal with the toddler & teenagers, clean up a little bit, & get some sleep. I always feel like I'm not doing enough.
I know that I shouldn't measure myself by other people because no two people are the same but I do feel like I'm lacking some times. I envy those moms that get to home school their children, have their homes so clean, & have the cutest decorations set up. My decorating anymore has become a hodge podge of things from the kids, gifts, & some silk flowers that are 10 years old.
I am slowly making my home more mine & not a collection of stuff. My husband & I have both said that we need to get rid of the clutter in our lives. We have a rented storage building for the last 8 years that we are trying to clean out. We also have a small cottage in our back yard that we are trying to fix up so that our teenage daughters don't have to be on top of each other. Again, delays to that project due to circumstances beyond our control.
Yes, it's a lot of work but for once I am excited for the hard work & repairs. We have a home that is all ours. I can finally unpack all of the boxes. I can put things on the walls & paint the rooms any color I want. That was exciting for me. In fact, we painted 3 rooms of our house right after we moved in. I finally have my red kitchen! I've also learned that I don't have to have everything organized right this minute. It's a process that will take time but we will get it done.
I just need to remember that God is in control of our lives & even though I may want things to be a certain way, all things happen in His time.
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